Looking in the mirror...

I looked in the mirror this morning, and what looked back wasn’t me...

I woke up very early this morning, did my normal wake up ritual. I called work to see if they needed me, they did, so I got dressed and made the bed. I went down stairs, checked the weather and drove to Burger King for breakfast. I ended up eating like 3 bites of a Sausage Biscuit and a few hash browns. My appetite has been gone the past week. Then for the next 4 hours at work, I shoveled debris from the flood. 4 hours of thinking shit from the past week over in my mind. 4 hours of just me and the golf course…. and the damn mud.

It wasn't a terrible day weatherwise, so thankfully that helped. Thankfully, the time was passed fairly quickly. Even thinking things over, I still was able to smile about some things. Not everything in life sucks. I’ve got a loving family. A warm house. Some cool friends. 6 of the 7 DVD Boxed sets of Star Trek: Voyager (Try Canceling me Paramount…)! Hell I’ve got 1 very nice gaming PC and a laptop! Can’t beat that. I had time to take in what I had done in life… and what I wanted to do. My goals. My dreams. My fears. Myself. I was able to look through the fog that has clouded my life the past week and finally see the real me.

I was able to finally feel like myself again this afternoon. I decided it was best to keep my mind busy, rather than to dwell on events of the past week. I was able to clean my… already clean room today. I finished dusting off all the shelves and reorganize half the room. I even offered to sweap the house with the vaccum? Wow… I’ve never done that before. While I cleaned I watched some Voyager episodes… some that kinda hit close to home. I never knew how powerful those shows could be if you took in the basic meaning of the episode and removed all the scifi mumbo jumbo.

I tried on my new “church” outfit, which I had bought a few days ago. Looks very good I might add. Mom thinks I’m a stud… and said if she was 18… she might be chasing after me. Look out ladies… Not only was I cleaning the room, watching Voyager and trying on the new church outfit. I managed to find some time to lift weights, do some push ups, sit ups, and work out for a good hour today. It helped to clear my mind. Hell… I’ve given up drinking pop in the evenings. I’m a full time Milk whore… plus it helps you sleep.

In the end… tonight… when I was looking at myself in the mirror with my new church outfit. I finally saw me again. The me I remember from 4 weeks ago. The me that makes me smile. The me that wants to sleep in and stay up late playing video games or watching TV. I feel I’m on the path back to feeling better. It’s just going to take some more distractions and more days like today to keep the mind busy. Besides…I’ve got like… a shit load more Voyager episodes to watch! Looking in the mirror… I can see myself looking back. The me I’m proud of.