'Pretty Girl' (Sugarcult)

Been listening to some Sugarcult recently. Found this song. Good stuff. Figured I would post this up. Enjoy! More normal blog post to come this evening perhaps...

"Pretty Girl"

Pretty girl is suffering, while he confesses everything
Pretty soon she'll figure out what his intentions were about
That's what you get for falling again
You can never get 'em out of your head

It's the way
That he makes you feel
It's the way
That he kisses you
It's the way
That he makes you fall in love

She's beautiful as usual with bruises on her ego and
Her killer instinct tells her to beware of evil men
And that's what you get for falling again
You can never get 'em out of your head
And that's what you get for falling again
You can never get 'em out of your head

It's the way
That he makes you feel
It's the way
That he kisses you
It's the way
That he makes you fall in love

It's the way
That he makes you feel
It's the way
That he kisses you
It's the way
That he makes you fall in love
Love

Pretty girl, pretty girl

Pretty girl is suffering, while he confesses everything
Pretty soon she'll figure out
You can never get 'em out of your head

It's the way
That he makes you cry
It's the way
That he in your mind
It's the way
That he makes you fall in love

It's the way
That he makes you feel
It's the way
That he kisses you
It's the way
That he makes you fall in love
Love

Untitled...

Looking forward to the weekend. It's been a very long week. Both sides of the coin... good and bad. Week was depressing at first... rainy... cold... funeral of one of Chillicothe's Finest... Thankfully I was able to look past all the gloom and see some good. I got really close to some friends this week. I've got to hand it to these guys...and gals... and pirates! Arg! Hanging out with them in the afternoon has been a huge boost to the moral. Regardless of what's going on... I love them to death. I never asked for such great friends... but I'm blessed either way. The end of the week is turning out fairly well. Wednesday was perhaps the best day of my life in several weeks. I was so happy all day. Got to spend the whole afternoon with friends and the weather was actually really nice. :)

Today was great! I open the lab early in the morning on campus, so I was there at 7:50 AM or so and had some time to just chill. Besides... it's quiet in the morning. I get plenty of time to soak in the peaceful morning air. I spent most of the early morning at work reading the Bible and doing some homework. The second half of the morning shift I spent with Kitty playing around with our blogs and blog themes! There's a Pirate Blog Theme! Arg Me Matey!!! LOL... I even managed to open 330 windows by accident on my laptop. I got time to talk with my buddy Jared this morning to which was really nice, since we haven't talked in a good while. After work I went outside, they had free food, games and music over at the Library, so I was able to just enjoy a good hour or so with some more friends. Great times. :)

Around 1:30 or so I went home to take a nap but ended up talking with Lindsay for a bit online. She's under the weather and I'm hoping she feels better tomorrow. Did some surfing on the old internet, tweaked with my new blog and finally decided to go take a nap upstairs. LOL... I'm terrible when it comes to trying to sleep. I ended up watching two episodes of 24 before I finally was tired. Took my nap around 3:45ish and woke up at 4:30 to my alarm and went to school. Class was boring... but as usual me and Heath (my friend from ZTHS) found a good way to entertain each other in class by looking at funny pictures online and playing some games. Break was fun... talked with Vinny and Jacob, went back to class... played with my blog some more before it was finally time to leave. :)

I had Subway for dinner...and a nice bowl of soup. I talked with my sister on the phone for awhile. Were planning a trip to DC near the middle of July. I can't wait!!! Get out of Chillitown and away from everything. Just me and the sis. :) Anyway I ended up spending the rest of the evening playing a video game online to just let some stress out. Fun times kiling shit. I stopped around 11:20ish... talked with an online friend a while. Thanks ev1l for the fun evening playin games and listening to your team on voice. I'm talking with Pajo now in IRC. :) Been a fun day... a fun two days. Looking very much forward to the weekend and coming another week closer to the quarter ending! Goodnight all! Hope your feeling better Lindsay!

New Blog Link: http://secondstar047.clockworksiren.net/ (Thanks to Kitty for hosting!) BTW... I'll be keeping both blogs up to date with the same posts about 90% of the time. I might add in a few private posts to the new blog for a few select readers to check out.

Wednesday, April 27th.

Holy Crap Halflife 2 takes forever to install! Uck... Damn thing came with 5 install CD's!!! Jebus! I started this an hour ago and it's still not finished... LOL... Oo Hey! Sorry... ranting on a video game I'm installing... It's like almost midnight. I just had to mention a few things about today. It was a day of days. I've never been in a better mood... well I have... but in terms of recently. :)
Today was great. Better than I could have expected.

Spend the afternoon with some friends I love to death, got to finish up a mid-term, had a quiet night at work. I was able to get some reading in The Bible done and wrote in my journal. Spent the rest of the evening talking with my friend Kitty, Drew and Holly online and just enjoying the company of friends. :) It was great. I love life. Seriously. It's been great.

I again have to give a huge shoutout to Kitty for just being there for me when I really needed someone to talk to tonight. She really came through and just made me feel so much better and view things in a very positive light. I know now everything will work out and everything will be okay. She's been such a huge rock in my life and I don't know what I would do without a great friend like her. For that... again I thank you.

Yub Yub!!!
*does the ewok dance*
Arg me matey! :)

Goodnight all! Sorry for the short post! BTW... Jared if your reading this. Message me tomorrow at work buddy! I'm pulling for yeah and been thinking about you.

Tuesday, April 26th

It was a very long night. I stayed up late talking with my good friends Kitty and Tricia about some of our mutual issues we've been dealing with recently. It was very comforting to know that I've got such good friends that are willing to listen, understand, comfort and generally just be there for me. They are such great friends and I know I would never have gotten this far with out them. They have been a rock I've needed so much in my life right now. For that I thank them. They are in my prayers and thoughts, and I love them to death! Anyway I added on to the long night by watching more of season #3 of '24' on DVD. I ended up watching another 2 episodes last night before I went to bed. So I was up untill 4 am or so...

I was woken up around 10:15 am with a phone call from my mom from work, telling me I needed to head to school early to get a parking spot. Granted my class wasn't untill 1 PM... but because of the funeral, parking was going to be a bitch.... and it was. I got there fairly early and still couldn't find a spot. Anyway... I was dead tired and decided to just turn around and go home anyway. So I missed my class in the afternoon, no big loss there... Got home and watched another 4 episodes of 24 downstairs and just tried to enjoy the afternoon off. The rain started up around 3 pm about the same time I left to go pick up my check from the GC and cash it in. I saw my friend Taylor at the GC and ended up spending 20 minutes catching up with her before I had to finally leave.

Went to my evening class in the rain... stopped to visit with the friends a while at OUC. Went up the lab and to class. We installed Windows XP on a empty hard drive... boring! Left class... went to Taco Del Casa and got a few tacos for dinner. Took them home to eat and watched another episode of 24 while I shoved them in my hollow leg. Good tacos BTW... not eaten at that place in a good 3 months! Around 8:30 or so mom tells me she wanted to go to Wal-Mart and me wanting to get away from the house and just get away from shit for a while went with her. We ended up staying at Wal-Mart untill almost 11... LOL. Go figure. That place is a mess... hard to find anything at that place anymore since the addition was added on.

Ended up spending the rest of my evening watching the Red's game and Jay Leno on TV... and talking with Kitty on IRC for a while. She is such an amazing person and such a great friend. If I could hug her right now... I would. She's quickly becoming one of my best friends.

I just need to get one last thing off my chest in tonights rant... I'm here. I'm praying for you. Your in my thoughts always. I miss you. I'm yours when your ready. Goodnight and god bless.

Shrimpy-Chicken-Fish and Yub Yub!

LOL! Okay... I decided to avoid ranting about my depressing weekend. Long story short... power went off two times... both while I was trying to watch Star Trek: Enterprise...(my favorate tv show). Missed it both times... Both times I was going to go out with friends...(Friday and Saturday) they ended up canceling and doing something else. So all weekend I sat at home and talked online with friends, wrote in my journal, watched TV/movies and visited with my sister. So after really wanting to just go out with friends and watch my Star Trek... I ended up just being bored and staying home. One bright spot that came from this weekend was not going to work saturday morning and talking with my really good friend Jared for uncountable hours. Boring Weekend in the books...

Monday turned out to be an interesting day. I woke up with the power back on... Thank god! Slept in untill 11 am... Glad I can do that... College has its perks. Got my shower, ate lunch, talked online with a friend for a while. Went to campus. Parking was a bitch at OUC... no lie... more on this later. The Visiting Services for Officer Cox were being held at OUC's Shoemaker center. So both the Shoe parking lot and the Bennett east end parking lots were closed. So not only is it already hard to find a spot at OUC... but it was a mess with all these people here for the visitations. Of course... I looked passed it because of the nature of the events here in Chillicothe recently. Anyway I talked with Paul, Kitty and Jeeg for about 30 minutes before class, which was fun. We got on some Star Wars topic and learned about the Yub Yub and my ewok dance. LOL.

Anyway...Had a great afternoon with my friends Kitty, Paul and Jacob! We went out to lunch after class and ended up eating at Long John Silvers. Which is one of my favorate restraunts. I eat there so much... those people start cooking my food before I even order it... Anyway... being the crazy group we are. We've got a nickname already for our silly little group. BPM... inside joke. :) Ended up talking like pirates, dancing to songs at LJS, laughing about Yub Yub(My Ewok Dance.. LOL) and Vinger, and of course... Land Ho! Story...

Matt: Land Ho! *Pointing*
Jacob: Were already on land!
Arg!Matt: Water Ho! (Say this out loud to understand joke).
Kitty: I'm not a ho!
Everyone: *LOL*

LOL... great times. Kitty ended up in one of those LJS pirate hats kids wear, great stuff. Great times. Great friends. :) It was a blast. Got back to OUC... the line to the visitation services had stretched to the Stevenson center... It was crazy! Such a huge turn out for Officer Cox. I was overwhelmed by the display. Anyway... went to work around 5 - 7:30. Chilled with Beef and Megan for a while. Got off work... I was able to talk to Lindsay for a minute, asked her how she was. Made sure she knew I was here for her if she ever needs anything I'm here for her. And I will always be here... Anyway I went outside... and my car's stuck between 2 other cars. Huge ass truck parked right on my bumper. Another car on my other bumper. I was stuck... no room to move. So I hung out with my friend Megan at the library untill 9:30 or so... Was fun though. We talked about a lot of shit.... school stuff, her boyfriend, beating up a thug with a shoe. LOL. Good times.

Anyway I finally was able to leave and I went home and watched 24! Parking is going to be a nightmare tomorrow again... hoping I can just find a spot! Looking forward to seeing the sun again Thursday. Goodnight all!

'There's No Solution' (Sum 41)

My cousin got me hooked on this CD this past weekend. Good song... Thanks Molly. <3

"There's No Solution"

maybe nothing else will ever be so clear
or maybe that's only my fear
if just for one day I wish I could disappear
just take me far from here
maybe I'd find out nothing new
maybe I'd end up just like you

there's no solution (no solution)
give me truth to my conviction
is my own confusion (my confusion)
reality or fiction
am I out of my mind

this constant pressure that keeps hanging over me
it makes me feel so empty
it's more than anything that I could ever be
what else could you take from me
it's getting harder to relate
don't want to make the same mistakes

there's no solution (no solution)
give me truth to my conviction
is my own confusion (my confusion)
reality or fiction
am I out of my mind

it took me so long to find out it's right
there in front of me
too close to see
what I thought was true
I see right through what's killing you

there's no solution (I can see)
give me truth to my conviction
is my own confusion (that I feel)
reality or fiction
am I out of my mind

so maybe nothing else will ever be so clear
or maybe that's only my fear (am I out of my mind)
if just for one day I wish I could disappear
just take me far from here (am I out of my mind)

Weather Related Rant...

I just wanted to rant a little. It's April 23rd... It's 41 degree's outside... and the weather channel is saying were gonna end up getting 2-4 inches of snow after tonight. God I hope it doesn't stick to the ground... will really fuck up plans with friends tonight. LOL... sleeping at Proehls house wouldn't be horrible though. Anyway I just wanted to say that it really sucks in April right now. 2 days straight of Rain and cloudy skys... I'm looking at the radar... and it's all green. Going to be raining a good while longer still. Of course this Snow is supposed to come after 6 or 7 PM tonight... and just keep coming tomorrow.

About the only good to come from this Rain was getting off work this morning and getting to sleep in! Yay! /end rant. I'm bored and looking for something to do untill I head over to the friends house tonight. Thanks to my friend Jared to chatting it up with me this afternoon... we've been going at it for a good 2 hours. :) Been fun! TTYL all!

Listening to the rain...

The Friday I'm getting used to was put on hold untill Saturday evening. My friend, who's house we usually visit, was tired and he wanted to get some rest. So we are planning I hope to do things this Saturday evening. I need a good break from sitting around the house and watching TV.... so I can't wait! Should be fun.

Today was a mixed bag of events. From waking up in the cold... (I left my damn window fan in the window last night and it got in the low 40's...) so I was a little nippy last night and when I woke up. I didn't want to get up for the Student Senate meeting... but I had to... so I crawled out of bed and forced myself in to the shower. Nice warm shower. It was raining out... so the drive to OUC in the morning was semi depressing. Considering the events of the past 24 hours in Chillicothe.... it wasn't what I needed. This got me thinking about something. The past few times something tragic has happaned to me... or to this town. It's rained the next day... I'm hoping it's a sign from god that he's washing away the pain and leaving the slate clean and ready to start anew. But that was my take on things on the drive to OUC this early morning.

Got to OUC had the Student Senate meeting... I must say I'm really enjoying chilling with Jami and Drew at these things. Fun shit. LOL. Anyway meeting went well... Took Grandma to Lunch and did some shopping. Then I watched some TV and wrote some poems and wrote in the journal some. Been doing that a lot recently. I'm about to run out of room in the one... so I moved to another journal my sister gave me on my 17th Birthday. Filling that one up pretty quick to! Eak! Anyway around 5 or so I decided to work out... so I spend 45 minutes working out downstairs. Jumped in the shower, got the message from Heath that the thing with friends tonight was cancled. Mom, Grandma and my sister (Who was visiting today) went to Lancaster, so they were gone. Dad was at practice. So I sat at home and watched TV and talked with my friend Jared online.

I ended up getting hungry so I went for a drive. I went to a few places before I grabbed some food... Sam Goodies, the golf course... just drove around killed some time. I finally got fairly hungry so I grabbed some food from Long John Silvers. Went home, watched the Reds game on TV for a bit, before Star Trek Enterprise came on.. New Episode tonight... one of the last 5. Power goes out about 5 minutes in to the episode... So now I'm sitting at home alone... In the Dark... nothing to do. Great Friday I tell you what... Anyway. Dad comes home. I went up in my room... got out the flashlight and radio. Sat down and started writing in the journal again. I ended up writing a nice long entry and just got tired so I layed down on my bed and listened to the rain fall outside for about 2 hours. Also found out my phone can run AIM... but that's another story... LOL.

Power came back on... rest of the family showed up. They had fun in Lancaster, got me a hat and go figure.. a new Journal to write in! Now I'm blogging it up with my sister sitting behind me. I was pissed off that the power went off... but in the end it was kinda fun to write in the journal and just lay around. Thankfully Star Trek Enterprise is going to repeat Sunday evening at 10... so don't be looking for me then. Day was okay... Mixed bag of stuff... Could have been better... could have been worse. Looking forward to Saturday... They said snow in the forcast... so this should be interesting. Again prayers go out to Officer Cox's family and friends.

All I need to know about life I learned from Star Trek...

All I need to know about life I learned from Star Trek...

This is taken from a poster I've had in my room since I was about 9. I added in one or two for good measure. :) Enjoy!

-Seek out new life and new civilizations.
-Non-interference is the Prime Directive.
-Keep your phaser set on stun.
-Humans are highly illogical.
-There's no such thing as a Vulcan death grip.
-Live long and prosper.
-Having is not so pleasing a thing as wanting; it is not logical but it is often true.
-Infinite diversity in infinite combinations (IDIC)
-Tribbles hate Klingons (And Klingons hate Tribbles).
-Enemies often are invisible -- Like Romulans they can be clocked!
-Don't put all your ranking officers in one shuttldecraft (Makes for a good episode though!).
-When your logic fails trust a hunch.
-Insufficient data does not compute.
-If it can't be fixed, just ask Scotty.
-Even in our own world, sometimes we are the aliens.
-Its never the mission, the ship or the crew... it's the journey.
-Resistance is Futile!
-When all that remains is impossible, that must be the truth.
-Q, it's not a letter in the alphabet anymore.
-When going out into the Universe, remember, "Boldy go where no man has gone before!"


-With the cancelation of Star Trek: Enterprise, I figured I would pay some sort of tribute to the show that kept me company for so many years of my life. I've watched so many episodes and learned so much just from watching the shows. It's been like a good friend. Now that friend is going to take a break... how long no one can tell. Regardless of how long, the reruns and taped episodes will continue to be played long after Enterprise exits the airways. But it's not the show that will last for ever... it's the message. A better future.... That makes me keep watching. That makes me a life long fan and keeps me hoping for that future.

'You Already Take Me There' (Switchfoot)

"You Already Take Me There"

When all I have is on the floor

Divided, divided

When I'm a world away from peace

Behind Your eyes is where I know

I'll find it, I'll find it

Cause who You are defines my dreams

You already take me there

Heaven in the here and now

When I'm a broken-hearted man

Complacent and tired

When I've been knocked out of the race

I've been a fool for long enough

To fight it, to fight it

It's in Your arms I find my place

You meet me where I am

Forgive where I am

Where I lose myself in grace

(Where I'm lost and found)

I want to lose myself in grace

Let Your love reign down all over me

Cover me

I got the Switchfood CD the other day this song was on. Good stuff. Figured I would go with a short and sweat post tonight. Wee! Goodnight all! Sunshine...

Walmart and Waffles!

LOL. Okay... first off... I thought this up while sitting at a Waffle House eating dinner with my family this evening . I was trying to think about what to write in my blog about this weekend, and the only thing that came out was I was in a Waffle House and thinking about how Chillicothe is gonna have the Worlds Largest Wal-Mart when they finish remodeling it. So I slapped Walmart and Waffles together and wall! Crazy I know... but after all it's been a very crazy weekend! So get ready for a long winded post....

Hehehe... Second I wanna thank my cousin Molly for being one of the coolest people I know. She's had some shit thrown on her plate recently and I know it's hard to find a path in life, but IMO you picked the right one. Besides... It's your Senior Year of High School next year. It's a blast and it goes by so fast you will not realize its over untill your studying for Mid-terms in College! LOL. I loved that Sum 41 (Chuck) CD so much I ended up going out to buy the damn thing because it was on sale at Best Buy! So I don't even need to burn or copy yours, and you will get it back when I see you. :) Thanks for a fun weekend.

Blah. Okay... so where to start. On top of Fridays crazyness, I couldn't think things could get any more exciting. Saturday morning, usually a day I wish I could just erase from memory from 8 Am - 2 PM every week. I woke up and was in a suprisingly upbeat mood. I picked balls at the golf course for 2 hours and then the boss showed up and pulled me away to mow grass. Mowing grass is usually okay... except this time I was mowing sand... Let me explain. Early 2005, the Golf Course flooded, and all the sand from the river ended up on the golf course. In areas they haven't quite cleared all of the sand yet, the grass is growing up through the sand and making the course look shitty. So it's my job to mow that sandy grass. Not very easy I tell you. So for 2 hours I mowed sand and grass... wow. So I was fairly tired after work, ate a quick lunch, and decided to sit on the computer for a bit. I wanted to get a shower but was so beat I decided the only way to get my ass in the shower was to get hot and sweaty again. So I worked out for 30+ minutes. Needless to say I was smelling fairly shitty after 4 hours of working outside and another 30+ minutes of real working out.

Got the shower, sat infront of the computer for a while longer and decided it was time to walk the Floodwall and then watch the end of my Dad's Softball game at the Anex, which is right next to the Floodwall. Good day for a softball game afterall. Got to the ballpark... decided I didn't want to walk the floodwall and ended up watching the game right away instead. After about 20 minutes, Lindsay showed up and I talked with her for a good while. I was really suprised to see her, but very happy to get to visit with her for the short time we had. After a while the game ended my dad needed my help on campus hauling stuff in to the equipment room. So I parted ways with Lindsay as she had things to do as well. I wish we could have talked longer, but went to help dad. Once we got home we headed off for Cinci. I drove half the way there before I was tired and dad finished off the trip. The rest of the evening we spent with my aunt and uncle and did some shopping.

Sunday morning was fairly early, Mom and Aunt Pam went on a antique shopping spree and left very early. I was up about the same time they left and just went in and out of sleep untill it was actually time to get up. Chilled with my Dad, Cousin and Uncle for the afternoon. We hit a bucket of golf balls, which really got me pumped becuase I was actually hitting the ball well. Getting some stress out of the way by pounding the little white fuckers 250 yards down the driving range. LOL. I actually hit them fairly well, considering I stopped playing golf actively almost 2 years ago. Anyway we went to a few stores and went back to my Uncles house. My cousins friend Jenny showed up and we decided to toss softball outside. So we did that for a good hour before mom and aunt Pam got home. After an hour or so we went to pick up grandma and we went to dinner then headed home. We ended up picking Waffle House. Good food. Wee! That was a fun day.

Fun weekend all around. Looking forward to Monday. Gonna be a long quarter. I'm pumped it's week #4 and ready for this thing to over with. Yay! Have a great night all! TTYL! Sunshine, I'm thinking of yeah. :)

Beam me up Rondon...

LOL. Mkay... Fridays are becoming the best day of the week once again. Before you go asking about the crazy title, I just needed to point out that I'm about to pass out and one of my hobbies is playing crazy role playing games with my friends on Fridays. We happen to be playing a Star Trek related RPG. Moving on.... Today was a great freaking day! I can only hope my weekend goes as well.

I had to attend a Student Senate meeting this morning. I'm one of the new members. We talked about all kinds of cool stuff, and was fun to just relax with some friends (Jami, Drew and Tricia) for a while and generally talk about stuff the school is concerned with. I was trying to join the OUC Student Senate almost a year ago but I was always busy on Fridays with work, class or other things, so thankfully my Friday mornings are free for once and I can finally join! Fun stuff. Anyway i'll be spending my Fridays at OUC again with the Senate duties. I'm really looking forward to helping voice my opinion and other students voices in this group. Should be fun.

I went to lunch with my Grandma, which as always was a lot of fun. Makes me happy to see my Grandma happy and getting out of the house. Besides she loves Big Boy and so do I! Got home and watched a movie and did some myspace roaming. Talked to some online friends and listened to 2 new CD's I got. Flogging Molly (Within a Mile of Home) and Taking Back Sunday (Tell all your Friends). I really like the Flogging Molly CD. I was fairly suprised, since I have only heard 2 of there songs before. Great stuff. Went to dinner with Grandma again. Since Mom and Dad were both busy. Again it was fun. :)

Went to Proehls house around 6:30, and we played a baseball game on the PS2 for about 2 hours. Fun stuff watching Proehl and my friend Heath screw up and get angry at a video game. I remember how mad I used to get at video games. LOL... many keyboards on my computer have meet an untimely end because of video games. We ended up being the only two to show up. So around 8:30 we ordered pizza and went down stairs to start up the RPG fun. Of course since I let my Treky nerdness show here... I was fairly excited to be playing a Star Trek related RPG... since I guess you could call me a Trek Nerd. LOL.

Either way, Heath's character, Ensign Rondon is a moron(Note the title? LOL.). I'll never go on any away missions with him again. Being the only character with the brains to pull anything off I solved most of the mission and figured out a great solution to our problem. :) Being a Vulcan paid off IMO. Anyway it was great fun and we all had a blast! I was so happy and couldn't even remember the last time I felt that great. Of course since we were the only 2 people there, we got a boat load of experience points for our characters, well be Captains before anyone else even rolls up a character! LOL! Wee!!!

Tomorrow looks like a VERY long day. Working in about 8 hours... getting up in 8 hours anyway. Hopefully the weather holds and it's not to hot. I dislike picking up golf balls and mowing grass in the high heat and no shade. Hehehe. Anyway after work I'm planning on going to watch Dad's Softball game and chear them on in the Anex untill 5. Then were going to Cinci for the weekend. I get to visit my little cousin and play some golf with my Uncle and her. :) I can't wait! Besides I get to drive down. Joy. Anyway It's been a long day today... and this headache is just creaping up on me... way to much pizza and Ski(Mountin Dew for cheap ass's like myself) IMO. Off to bed. More Fridays to come like that I hope! Thanks all! Good Night!!!

To Lindsay...

February 22nd, 2005. I meet you. In the computer lab of all places. Go figure huh. It was a dream come true. We had so much in common I really did feel like I was in a dream. We joked that this was a dream we both didn’t want to wake up from. I still don’t want to wake up. Meeting you created a spark in my life that made me want to get up early and stay up late to talk with you. I made a 360 in my life. I started to think about what was really important to me. My fears and worries went away. I started to think with my heart and not my brain for the first time. I was truly happy. For the first time in my life I cared about someone else. I wanted to be with you every waking moment. I couldn't stop thinking about you.

When shit hit the fan I didn't know how to react. All my heart wanted was to be there to support you but I got emotional and I think I hurt you. I was scared. Distance and space, which used to be the norm for me, was suddenly so scary. I couldn't think of anything but wanting to be around you. I'm so "virgin" in relationships, I don't think I knew that I should have given you more space than I was giving you when we first said "slowing things down". I just didn't know what it meant to slow down. I know this now more than ever. Remember it took me almost 3 weeks to work up enough courage to kiss you. I was really new to all of it and I think I was still caught up in the “dream” aspect that when the slowing down came, I wasn’t quiet sure what was to happen next.

All I ever wanted was for you to be happy. I concentrated on that so much I forgot about how bad I was hurting inside. In your attempts to place space between us I kept finding myself waiting for you to call, get online, show up at school or reply to a text message. I guess I really was smothering you. When I finally got the verbal kick in the nuts, I took a step back. My sister and parents kept me as focused as they could. I think faith played a huge part in that to. God knows how much I care about you Lindsay. All I've prayed about for the past month is for you to be happy and continue on with your life the way you want it. For me to somehow find the strength to manage through this and continue with my life. I think I have managed the worst of it.

I'm still scared and unsure of the future. I don't know what you feel about me anymore or what you want me to do. All I know is what’s inside me. I care so much about you. And I know now more than ever I still want to be with you and for us to be together. Now with all this out in the clear. I’ve been trying my best the past week or so to give you even more space. I’ve shown up for class only when I need to be. I don’t hang around the school. I don’t call or expect any calls. I don’t text message or expect any… I’m not going to e-mail you or go out of my way to try to be around you. I’ll let you have your space and time. I’m trying my best to keep this all in a positive light. All week I kept telling myself that with faith, friends and family, how can I fail? I’m going to wait for you Lindsay. And I'm going to be here when your ready.

I’m trying so hard to keep from wanting to be with you right now Lindsay. I’ve been telling you from the start, I’m here. I really am. I’m here for you Lindsay. All my heart is here for you. Every ounce of strength I have is yours. I just want you to know I’m going to be here for you. If you are not ready…I’ll be okay. Like I said… how can I fail with faith, friends and family? You asked for time and space and you’re going to get it. If we don’t talk for a week, don’t think I’m avoiding you. You are in my heart every waking moment. I’ll never forget you. I can only hope you don’t forget me. From the moment I first meet you I knew there was something here. I can still feel it. It’s strange for me to say these things when I really don’t know what a real relationship is like. But I can feel something. My parents, sister, friends all said they saw something in the way I acted before things went down hill. They were happy to see me spreading my wings. I was changed. I am changed. For the better. Regardless of the results Lindsay. I’m a better person now. And I’m a better person because of you. For that, I thank you. Now just remember I’m here and waiting. I care so much about you and God will continue to hear from me every night. Goodnight. All my heart, sunshine. You’re in my thoughts always. TTYL :-)

Countdown... Part II

4/12/05..11:14 PM...

The preception of time continues to confuse me. Thousands of years ago, the sun and stars were the only way to tell time. To a resonable degree... even now if it wasn't for the sun and stars we wouldn't be able to tell what time it was. Right? Walk outside and see the sun setting. It's got to be what 8-9 PM? It's clealry in the evening... It's later than 1 PM of course... So you can to some degree tell what time it is. If you walk outside and the sky is full of stars, it must be past 10? Perhaps Midnight? Get my point? Time is a mystery.

11:18 PM...

The more I wrap my mind around time, I can see what other factors can affect it. Emotion. Mood. State of mind. The weather. I can tell you it's a fact that those things can affect how you view time. Example: Last Friday. I was with friends most of the evening. Great weather. I was very relaxed. Very happy. Time flew. Clearly time wasn't really changed by those factors but my preception of it was. I wasn't even aware it was midnight untill I looked at a clock.
Another example: A few weeks ago I was in a fairly depressed state. It was raining outside. Long day at work and school. The day just drug on. Felt like time was really standing still. And if it wasn't for looking at a clock or my watch I would have really thought it was.

11:24 PM...

Now your wondering what in the fuck is he talking about? I'm on a new countdown. Countdown for something... when the deadline is... I don't know. I'm just waiting for it. It's a whole new view on time. One day it will happen. The countdown will be over. I can only wait for that to happen. And live everyday like it is going to happen now. I can't wait. So let the countdown begin tomorrow... let it happen soon. Just let it happen. So untill then...let the countdown begin.
10...9...8...

'All About Her' (New Found Glory)

Another one of my current favorate bands. Good song. LOL... I keep finding new songs I like from these bands I haven't listened to in a long time. Get me listening to them on the way to and from work and class. Good shit. :) Enjoy!

"All About Her"

Let me practice this before I say it to you
I know it might come out wrong but I want it to
Another chance to fight
Another way to make it right
So forget all of your chances
It's up to you to follow through
Forget the way she was
Cause it's the things she does that make me
Sing about her
She knows I care about her
She said be gentle boy
You show a lack of character
Let me work this out
Before I come back to you
I know you
Sometimes hate the stupid things I do
Another lonely night
Another way to make it right
So forget all of your chances
it's up to you to follow through
forget the way she was
cause it's the things she does that make me sing about her
she knows I care about her
she said be gentle boy
you show a lack of character
there is no other way this girl is so all about me
I'm sorry I can't help the way
Cause it's the things she does that make me
Sing about her
She knows I care about her
She said be gentle boy
You show a lack of character.

Quote from a reading at Church.

This quote is taken from the Bible of course. It was part of the readings from today at church.

"I saw the Lord ever before me, with him at my right hand I shall not be disturbed. Therefore my heart has been glad and my tongue has exulted; my flesh, too, will dwell in hope, because you will not abandon my soul to the netherworld, nor will you suffer your holy one to see corruption. You have made known to me the paths of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence."
-David (Acts 2:14, 22-33)

The readings today at church were fairly interesting. Of course, as Father Hummer would usually do, he would make them confusing by dragging his sermon out way to long. However, today at church, we had a new priest filling in for Father Hummer. He actually had a great way of explaining the readings today in his sermon. Really hit the spot. Was very interesting to hear an explanation of the readings from a different priest for a change. Anyway just wanted to post that up. Good stuff. Sleep time and long day tomorrow!

Early bird gets the worm.

Last night I stayed up in bed and watched a really good movie Cellular. I let the movie carry on a little to much and ended up watching the whole thing. Before I knew it, the alarm clock was telling me it was 4 AM! I had to work in 6 hours. So I hit the sack and got a blip of sleep. Felt like I just closed my eyes and the alarm clock was going off.

10 AM... Work. It's a beautiful day at the Golf Course. Ball Picking Duty. Perhaps the best job the Golf Course has to offer... Other than lifting the heavy ass buckets of balls once you finishedpicking them, washing them, filling them again, and hauling them back inside and dumping them back in to another bucket. I did that about 100 times it felt like. A good 3 1/2 hours just picking up balls, washing them, filling buckets, and talking to my good friend Nancy who I hadn't seen since November. LOL. I swear she saw Beavers! (Inside Joke!) Then I've got about 20 minutes before I can sign out and I get told to go mow some grass on the damn steepest hill on the course. So for 20 minutes I mow grass. I get in my mowing grove and ended up mowing grass for 30 minutes... Looked at my watch and it was 2:10! Eak! So I hauled ass back to the club house and signed out.

Figured I was way to tired to get anything for lunch so I just drove home. Great day outside still... Got home jumped in the shower for a nice long shower. Hadn't had a long shower in a good while, so I enjoyed it. Grabbed some leftover Easter Dinner and heated it up for Lunch around 3ish. Watched some TV for a while and surfed the web. Figured I should take the time to actually clean the Trunk of my car I mentioned in a early blog entry. So I did that for about 30 minutes. Thankfully it wasn't terrible once you got past all the half empty bottles of water and my old ZTHS Golfbag there wasn't much else to clean out.

With some time to spare before dinner, I spent the rest of the aftenroon sitting on my porch railing, thinking the afternoon away. Listening to the birds. Watching the cat play with her tail. Counting the cars going up the road. I spent a good 45 minutes just enjoying the Saturday afternoon. Got some time to even walk around the yard and watch the cat follow me around like she was my shadow. Funny cat.

Around 5:30 I figured we should eat some Dinner, so I took grandma out to dinner. Grabbed some stuff from Krogers afterwords and went back home. Watched some more TV, listened to a baseball game, Reds Lost. :\ Mom got back from Columbus. Dad returned from his Softball Game. OUC Won both games. Yay!!! Mom wanted to rent a movie so I went with her and talked with her for a while in the car about my weekend. Got a movie, watched it. Good movie BTW, Blind Horizion, rent that movie if you want some mind bending enjoyment. Anyway I spent the last 30 minutes talking with my friend Paul and my sister online. My back started hurting again this afternoon, and now I've got a damn headache from being in the sun all morning/afternoon. So I'm off to the bed. Goodnight World. Sunshine tomorrow PLZ.

Freaky Friday (Not the movie...)

This was one crazy Friday! Wow! From sleeping in untill 1:30 PM to ordering out for pizza at 11! Eak! Crazyness. Last night I went to bed about 3 AM after I watched that movie 'Harold and Kumar go to White Castle'. I figured I would sleep in untill 11 or so... Oops! I ended up waking up to the sound of a school bus going up my road. I guessed it was 7:30 AM or so and the bus was picking the youngins up. When I rolled over and looked at my clock and it said 1:30 PM I was shocked! I guess my former high school let out early for something and the bus was dropping kids off on our road. So when I saw it was 1:30 PM I was shocked... I figured I should get up since I had to meet with my college advisor at 3...so I did.

I watched a little TV in my bed and jumped in the shower. Nothing was in the house to eat for lunch so I just grabbed a bottle of water and headed off to OUC. Got to the Bothels office and chilled with him for like 30 minutes. I'm a Computer Science Major and I found out today I no longer need to take any Math Classes! Which I freaking hate! LOL... What a relief! It's like finish some computer classes and walla! So I got that shit straighten out and also found out I'm about half way done with a History Major and didn't even know it. So not only can I finish up my Comp Science degree here at OUC... but when I move off to Athens I can finish up a History Major with a few classes. On top of this great news, I found out OUC might offer a Dance Dance Revolutions Class. LOL! The PS2 Game. No seriously. It's good for exercise so they might offer it! Wee!!!

Got home... was bored. Decided to wash the car. LOL... Boy was I nuts. So for a good hour I stood outside and washed the car. Gave it a nice rinse, soap, rinse, dryed that bad boy off and it was lookin clean again. Then I decided to clean the inside. Got out the carpet cleaning stuff, rags, shot vacum and started cleanin. Cleaned up fairly easy once I got past the mud in the backseat. I sprayed some smelly stuff that made the car smell new again. Got some polishing stuff and polished the dashboard for good measure. Damn car looks new again! With exception of my Trunk... which is another story. We can leave that for another day... Hell Maybe tomorrow! Wow guess I'm cleaning that thing tomorrow after work.

Anyway went to dinner with Grandma, had a salad and bowl of soup. Good eaten! Love eating dinner with Grandma. :) Got home and left to hang out with my friend Heath and Proehl. Had a blast! Most fun I've had in ages. LOL. We didn't even get hungry untill 10:30-11ish... so we ordered pizza and chowed down. Fun shit. Played some new video game and rolled up a new character for a RPG we are gonna start playing. I never knew rolling up a character for a new RPG could take so long I might add... Krista showed up later, was around for a while, before we all ended up leaving around 12:15ish. Fun night. Plan on doing that every Friday again. Anyway I work early and need me some sleep. Goodnight all!

Harold and Kumar go to White Castle!

OMG! This has to be one of the best movies ever! I just finished watching it in one of my many late night movie marathons. For as long as this movie has been out i've been hearing from friends and my sister how funny this movie is. I really didn't want to see it when it came out, guess I figured my brain cells couldn't get fried anyworse. Who would have thought. I actually liked the movie!

It's about as funny as can be. Besides... suddently I want me some freaking White Castle... thankfully for my sake it's only 17 miles up the road in Circleville. Yay! Slidders! Actually... no I'm not gonna go out and drive 17 miles to get White Castle at 2 AM... I don't plan on stopping at Princeton and getting high or attempting to get laid either. Or... in our case. Lain. Thank you Mrs OTEC 230.

"All Your Grammer Are Belong To WE!"

To my friend Megan thanks for chilling with me Wednesday night in the Lab. Kept me from going insane on the late shift! :) To my sister thanks for the talks on the phone the past week or so. Been very helpful. To my family... I love you guys. Mom, Dad, Grandma... shit even my little cousin is worried about me! <3 Thanks to my friends at OUC 2. :) Much love guys. Last but not least... my Bed. LOL. Thanks for always being there to support my lazy tired ass. BTW... that spring is killing my back... Wow... it's late. White Castle then sleep. Goodnight all! It's the Weekend! Yay!!!

I'm Here - Part II

There is only one person that's gonna read this that will understand what I'm about to say... For everyone else that's reading I'm sorry but I can't explain this in any more detail.

I'm not going to go anywhere. I'm gonna continue on with my life and not be sad because of these circumstances. I'm gonna be here if you need me. I'm gonna be here if you don't need me. Regardless I'm here. No matter how long it takes, I'll be here. I woke up Tuesday and was suddenly happy again. The best feeling I've had in weeks. It's great. I know times right now are really black and gloomy, even when the sun is shining. But just remember I'm here and I still care. I'm here for you...

'Story of a Lonely Guy' (Blink 182)

Taken from Blink 182's song 'Story of a Lonely Guy'. Perhaps one of my favorate songs from Blink 182's fairly large song selection. Figured I should post something since it's been a while. Enjoy!

Push it out
fake a smile
Avert disaster
just in time
I need a drink
cause in a while
Worthless answer from friends of mind
It's dumb to ask, cool to ignore
Girls posess me, but they're never mine
I made my entrance, avoided hazards
Checked my engine,
I fell behind

I fell behind

She makes me feel like it's raining outside
And when the storm's gone, i'm all torn up inside
I'm always nervous on days like this like the prom
I get too scared to move, cause i'm a fucking boy

Remember when I was in the grocery store
now's my time
Lost the words, lost my nerve, lost the girl, left the line
I would wish upon a star, but that star, it doesn't shine
So read my book with a boring ending
A short story of a lonely guy

I fell behind

She makes me feel like it's raining outside
And when the storm's gone, i'm all torn up inside
I'm always nervous on, days like this like the prom
I get too scared to move, cause I'm a fucking boy

She makes me feel like it's raining outside
And when the storm's gone, i'm all torn up insideI
'm always nervous on, days like this like the prom
I get too scared to move, cause i'm still just a stupid worthless boy

BTW... this song in no ways reflects my mood at this moment. :) Just download this song or listen to it. It's got a great melody and tune to it. :) Love this song.